Thursday, January 28, 2010


Right now, I miss you.

I don't know what it is, but you attract me so much. We don't share many that similar tastes, yet we get along so well. I love the time we spend together; maybe I'm being too clingy or too obsessed over you, but it's true I like spending all my time with you.

The truth is sometimes I'm scared of losing you because I feel like I don't completely have you yet. This is true anyway cause we just are who we are. We spend most of our time together; Technically you aren't mine and I'm not official terms anyway. I hate wondering this because titles and official-ness usually ruins and changes things, but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I questioned you about it.

I know I'm probably over-thinking but...

What am I to you?
Am I just someone who makes you feel better when you're feeling bad?
Or perhaps I come in handy when you want to get your mind off things?
Am I just someone who tries to please you?
Or am I really someone you want to spend all your time with?
I know not everything lasts forever, so if this ever ends(though it really hasn't started) I won't feel too bad.
I know with time, I'm sure I could go back to being my normal self. Someone who doesn't miss you. Someone who doesn't need somebody to like.

I know I told you from the start... that I like being independent. I didn't want to admit that I like you because I don't need someone to swoon over me. I don't need someone to cuddle with. I don't need to be in love to be happy. I don't need a boy to make me happy. I don't need all the humanistic desires everyone else has; I'm content with having no one to love. I don't need the sexual pleasures. I don't need someone to hold me. I don't mind being alone.

I don't care for most of these things. Because of you, I want these things. I want to experience them with you. I want you to be mine, but I'm afraid that you'll scold at me for being a hypocrite. Also, I'm pretty sure that I'm more afraid of scolding myself for being a hypocrite. The last thing I want is to lose you. If anything I hope we're friends for a very long time.

Half of me wishes I had the balls to tell you all of this, but the other half of me just keeps these thoughts concealed away. I wish he would secure my doubts, but first I have to be brave enough to share this with him.

Is this an odd feeling?