Saturday, December 5, 2009


I once dated a much older guy. We had lots of fun together and we clicked on many levels. He had an established career, had traveled the world, and knew what he wanted out of life. He was extremely romantic and charismatic. He would send me flowers when I was stressed out, would listen to what I had to say and loved to snuggle. Needless to say, I was completely smitten. And he was too. We began to date and made it "official" a month later.

I didn't realize it at the time, but age was one of the biggest problems in our relationship.He was approaching 30 and I was barely 18. During the course of the year we dated, he would say things like "Don't waste my time", "If you don't see this long term, just end it now", "I'm in it for the long haul and I hope you are too". At first, I thought it was sweet. I was so happy that he saw us being in a long- term relationship. But then, I began to feel the pressure. I was definitely not ready to get married and even if I was, I knew he wasn't the one. He made me feel guilty for simply enjoying our relationship and accepting it in the present moment. I enjoyed being around him and he helped me grow as a person tremendously. Was that such a terrible thing for me to do?

Unfortunately, his comments grew worse and I felt like I was stuck. I broke it off eventually. He declared that the year had been a "waste", that I had led him on for nothing. He claimed that I was selfish and too "young" to understand what an adult relationship was like. I was extremely hurt by this. Later on, I realized that he was on the marriage track. Even though we never formally spoke about marriage, his actions, comments and certainly his age showed it.

Is it wrong to date someone and simply enjoy their company for a while? Does age matter? Do you have to see yourself marrying the person you're currently in relationship with for it to be successful?